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Rookie Error

by Clara Pandy

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1.
Clara 05:30
TELL ME EVERY LAST THING ABOUT YOUR WEEK DON’T SPARE ME THE DETAILS ELEVEN DAYS IN TOTAL SPENT DELETING MY EMAILS AND I’VE TRIED TO FIND SOME COMFORT FROM MY LOVERS AND MY FRIENDS BUT THE ONE IS NON-EXISTENT AND THE OTHER FEELS AS IF IT’S GOT AWAY FROM ME AND I’M NO LONGER SENTIMENTAL BUT GETTING WAY TOO SENSITIVE AND OUR HOMES ARE ALL JUST PIPES AND PLASTER IN THE CITIES WHERE WE LIVE AND I DREAM ABOUT MY PARENTS’ DEATHS AND I DREAM ABOUT MY BROTHER’S DEATH AND I DREAM THAT I AM INCHES FROM A GIRL WHO SHARES MY BED AND I AM TIRED OF LISTENING TO LOVE SONGS COS I CAN’T RELATE TO THEM I’M JUST A HUDDLE BY THE HEATER MY SWEAT DRIES ON FROZEN SKIN I WROTE A POSTCARD TO MY GRANDMA BUT COULDN’T THINK OF WHAT TO SAY ELEVEN BLANK SQUARE CENTIMETRES WITH JUST THREE WORDS: “ARE YOU OKAY?” BECAUSE I’M SCARED ABOUT THE WINTER I FIND IT HARD ENOUGH MYSELF I KNOW YOUR HOME LACKS CENTRAL HEATING DO YOU EVER CRAVE THE BUILDING WHERE YOU RAISED YOURSELF? THE WORLD AROUND ME’S LIGHTLY DOUSED IN PISS I NEVER MEANT FOR ALL THESE PEOPLE TO EXIST THE ONLY THING TO STOP ME LEAVING IS THE THOUGHT I CAN’T COME BACK SO I HAVE COME TO SAY I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS AND I’M NO LONGER SENTIMENTAL BUT GETTING WAY TOO SENSITIVE AND OUR HOMES ARE ALL JUST PIPES AND PLASTER IN THE CITIES WHERE WE LIVE AND I DREAM ABOUT MY PARENTS’ DEATHS I DREAM ABOUT MY BROTHER’S DEATH AND I WAKE UP COLD AND SHIVERING INSTEAD
2.
WAS IT YOUR LIES THAT PASSED ME BY? I TRIED TO RUN UNTIL I TOLD YOU MY WHOLE LIFE AND I’M SO PARANOID I KNOW I MUST BE RIGHT SO LET ME LEAD YOU, LET ME LEAD YOU LIKE A LIGHT I MISS MY FRIENDS. WE DRIFT APART LIKE THIS WAS NEVER MEANT TO HAPPEN AT LEAST IT CAN’T BE SAID I DON’T APPRECIATE THEM BUT THAT’S THE KIND OF CARELESS CONSOLATION THAT TAKES THE PISS AND IF I LIVED IN THE CLOUDS SURROUNDED BY THE HAZE COULD YOU SOMEHOW TAKE THE RAIN FROM ME? AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU EVER GAINED FROM ME BUT MY EYES OPENED SO NOW I SEE I KNEW YOU’D CARRY ON AFTER YOU WALKED AWAY YEAH, I’M NOT ALONE WHEN I LIE AWAKE I’M WITH GHOST OF ME, SHE LIES HERE IN YOUR PLACE I WILL CARRY ON BUT I DON’T KNOW MY WAY I WATCHED THE OCEAN DRAG MY CASTLE AWAY SO DESENSITIZED I HAD NOTHING TO SAY AND SUNRISE IS JUST ANOTHER THING THAT I HAVE MISSED TODAY THAT I’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN AND AS YOU SUNK IN THE SAND I WOULDN’T HAVE YOU THIS WAY SO I TOOK YOU BY THE HAND AND WE HIT DEMPSEY’S ARCADE AND I BROUGHT A CARRIER BAG OF ANTIBIOTICS SO I FELT INVINCIBLE… UNLESS SOMEONE BROUGHT A GUN AND I’M SO GLAD THAT YOU WERE THERE TO FIX ME UP IT WASN’T COLDPLAY WHO WERE THERE TO FIX ME AND WAS IT LUCK YOU’D LEFT YOUR PHONE ON? WELL I’M SO GLAD THAT YOU WERE THERE TO FIX ME NOW I’M AWAKE AND THIS IS AWESOME
3.
Home 03:09
I KNOW THIS IS THE PLACE I WANNA BE I’M ALMOST GETTING USED TO THE COLD WEATHER THE ROOM HAS STARTED MAKING ME FEEL SAFE AND I THINK THAT I’M JUST DOING SO MUCH BETTER AND IT’S YOU… IT’S OBVIOUS THAT I’M REALLY FAR AWAY AND EVERYONE I’M MISSING IS HERE WITH ME IN SOME WAY AND EVERY NIGHT I GO WITH YOU TO BED AND I WHISPER IN YOUR EAR “YOU KNOW IT IS, YOU KNOW IT’S YOU” AND I’VE FOUND MY HOME IN YOU
4.
YOU’D DO ANYTHING FOR ME (SPEAKING HYPOTHETICALLY) AND I’D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU (IN SITUATIONS THAT’LL NEVER COME TRUE) AND I LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU (EXCEPT FOR A FEW THINGS) THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED YOU’RE DELICATELY TELLING ME I’M THE BEST THING THAT NEVER HAPPENED I’D TELL YOU I MISS YOU IF I THOUGHT THAT YOU WANTED ME TO YOU LEFT ME WANTING MORE TRAPPED IN THIS ROOM BY MYSELF WITH NO DOOR YOU LEFT ME WANTING MORE AND I’M SURE THAT I STAYED STILL BUT MY HAND REACHED FOR YOURS THANK GOD I CAN FINALLY DO ‘ME’ JUST SO YOU KNOW, I’D BE ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT ME TO BE I THINK THIS IS WHY I GROW MORE CYNICAL WITH DAYS IF SINCERITY IS THE SAME AS THE TRUTH THEN I INSINCERELY WROTE THIS SONG ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU I WATCH MYSELF ACT LIKE SOMEONE WHO FINDS IT ALL OK
5.
TWELVE FIFTY-ONE WAS THE TIME MY MIND CRIED: “THREE, TWO, ONE, NOUGHT!” BECAUSE OF THE TENTH BEER I HAD DRUNK AND BECAUSE OF NOSTALGIC MUSIC THEY PLAYED AT THE PARTY THAT MADE ME THINK OF THE NIGHT THAT WE LISTENED TO JAZZ, CHUCKED OUR CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR AND LOST OUR VIRGINITIES TOSSING AND WRETCHING, MY SUIT ON THE FLOOR WITH MY KNUCKLE TO MATRESS, MY EYES ON THE DOOR I FINISHED BECAUSE I WAS SCARED YOU’D GET BORED IN THE END PERHAPS I’M SCARED TO BE IGNORED THEN EVERYTHING STOPPED AND SEEMED TO GO DARK THE MUSIC WAS MUFFLED (STILL PLAYING THOUGH) AND I HID AWAY BOARDED UP THE WINDOWS BUT NOSTALGIA CAME FLOODING IN ALL THE PRETTY CREATURES IN GRANDAD’S AQUARIUM WERE PAWING AT THE WINDOWS WITH THEIR FLIPPERS “COME ON DOM, JOIN IN!” AND I SEEM TO REMEMBER THIS HAPPENED EVERY TIME I GOT DRUNK: TWENTY-TWELVE, TWENTY-ELEVEN AND NOW THAT IT’S ENDED THESE FLASHES HURT MY EYES LIKE OLD PHOTOGRAPHY BUT NOW IT’S MUCH LESS THREATENING I FAILED AT BOTH OBJECTIVES CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO OPPOSING REGRETS I DID TOO MUCH/ TOO LITTLE I WAS TORN SO I JUST HEDGED MY BETS THE MIDDLE LOVER IS THE ONE WE FIND THE HARDEST TO SHAKE OFF SHE DOESN’T CLIMB ON SINKING SHIPS SURPRISED SHE HADN’T ALREADY FUCKED OFF … IN THROUGH THE NOSE AND OUT THROUGH THE MOUTH

credits

released December 7, 2015

George Bratley - Drums
Cindy Cardenas Salinas - Vocals, Guitar, Keys
Dominic Lo - Vocals, Guitar, Keys
Benedict Rhodes - Bass
Laura Yie - Vocals, Guitar, Keys

Lyrics - Dominic Lo, Laura Yie, Cindy Cardenas Salinas
Engineered, produced and mixed by Nicholas Alexander @ Sounds Like Screaming
Mastered by Christopher Leary @ Melograf Mastering
Artwork by Lauren Rothery @ buymeapumpkin.tumblr.com

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about

Clara Pandy Sheffield, UK

Clara Pandy originally started as an acoustic duo in January 2013, after Laura and Dom both met studying music at the University of Sheffield. Both do vocals, guitar and glockenspiel in the band. In 2014, we decided to extend to a five piece band and were joined by funk drummer, George Bratley, bassist Fitz and Cindy. Our lyrics range from personal themes to tongue in cheek humour. ... more

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